Saturday, September 5, 2015

What if you weren't living the life you imagined when you were 20?

As I sit here on Labor Day weekend, pondering as I usually do everyday, cleaning up emails, my life and much more, I came across this feeling of not being the "special snowflake" I imagined I should have been by now or as viewed from the eyes of a much younger person, back in the day. I remember fear struck in me when in Junior College, attending an art history class, as I learned about Grandma Moses, who achieved her fame in her late 70's I believe.  My first thought as a young 20 year old, was never wanting this to happen to me.  I desired reaching my goals far earlier in life. However, so far, looks like Grandma Moses has a stronger hold on my achievements than previously wanted by me, for me.

From that moment to now, I have been humbled by a karmic history I still have yet to understand, one that bites at my heels like a junk yard dog, injuring my journey, slowing down the momentum. In reflecting daily on the feeling I might not understand the whys of my karma, nor be able to correct this karma, even though I try very hard everyday to do just that, it does not feel like it is working yet. This karma, is mine to own and is baffling, however I am learning the value of old words with less satisfactory solutions, i.e. the repeating of the word, acceptance.  Saying the word "acceptance", and doing daily mantras to fixing my ills, my life struggles with my artistry are quite revealing, albeit difficult for me to live within the narrow boundaries my box provides. Given the less than expansive domain of my personally designed creative box of fun, this too affects how well I understand my karmic life. But I try, for I am tenacious, I also have a never give up type of personality and seem to continually find ways to move my life along. I straighten my shoulders, comply with how the world is different from what I remember it looked like when I was 20 and go forward, with hope, always hope, just like Pandora and her box of curiosity.

So, if you are inclined, follow me, like me, support me, champion me, or better yet, hire me.  Of what life is left in front of me, a personality test I took last night, thinks I am 38 years old, where I prefer to stay locked in at 23 years old, my personal favorite age to be. Both ages are far below where I am now chronologically, I still push forward with my life and its changes, happy trails to us all.


  1. JP, you are very fortunate being: talented, smart, educated, & beautiful.

    As far as reflecting on your past endeavors & career expectations; I can relate to the feeling of disappointment that 'I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to.' I seriously envisioned myself a millionaire by 30 years old.

    The humorous part of our story is that it is not over! And life is full of twists and turns, with every choice we make. And the glory of life is experiencing the bad & the good. I know the cliche response is to "Put it all into perspective"... but the fact is, there is such a humbling truth to that advice.

    Recently, I have been working on a personal, creative project that has been on my mind/heart for years. Everyday, I try to work a little bit on it. It is exhausting as I find it hard to stay motivated and focused on the details. Lacking motivation, I vented to a friend and he gave me the best feedback; "If it were easy it would have been done before."

    You are amazing. You know that. You know your potential; as you dreamt of accomplishing those many goals in your 20's. You are now wiser, more resourceful, and free to take on any new challenge. You are ready, so don't give up seeking it!

    This is my new routine:
    - Every day give thanks for one thing
    - Every day treat yourself to something
    - Find a group, network, or friends that you can meet-up with on a regular basis & share similar goals to find positive support amongst each other!

    1. All true and I am grateful to having you as a friend. Thank you.